I was on the fence as to whether I would bother with this list. I’ve said plenty of times during 2016 that the quality of films seemed strangely low as we saw many blockbusters bomb and bore audiences. Uninspired is the word I would best use to describe the quality of the so-called major releases of 2016. Part of the reasoning for this could be due to studios catering to the rising Chinese cinema industry where audiences are going for the spectacle regardless of the quality. Generally, It hasn’t really gotten under my skin too much as it forced me to go out and seek the better films of 2016 which was a blast.
Compiling this list was more difficult than expected ad I have to admit I had to seek out a few terrible films just to fill slots as I felt that films like X-men apocalypse and Warcraft, albeit flawed, were solid popcorn flicks which I actually enjoyed. Again I must reiterate that this list is only the films I saw and while there are probably plenty of films released in 2016 which were far worse than these entries I can only list the films that I’ve actually seen.
10. Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
Without a doubt the laziest film I saw in 2016, the follow-up to the surprise hit Jack Reacher underwhelmed in every possible category. Never Go Back is simply just a cash grab made with minimum effort to capitalize on the success of the first movie. Not even Tom Cruise could spark any excitement as the film trudged along with boatloads of exposition and enough quick cuts to embarrass Jason Bourne. Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is an absolute yawn fest and a waste of time for every decent actor cast in this film.
9. London has Fallen
Wahey, two shitty sequels to two surprise hits in a row. Don’t say I don’t spoil you guys. London has Fallen is certainly more entertaining than Never Go Back but mostly for the wrong reasons. This film is oddly offensive as it portrays different world leaders in the most stereotypical ways possible. Also, the CGI in the first film was pretty atrocious at times, but London has Fallen takes the biscuit. There’s a scene with a bridge collapsing that looks like something out of an Asylum movie. It’s disappointing as I unashamedly love Olympus has Fallen and think Gerard Butler is badass as Mike Banning. However the line “Go back to Fuckheadistan” may be the greatest and also most offensive movie moment of 2016.
8. Batman: The Killing Joke
While Their live action films haven’t been well received critically DC have been killing Marvel in the animation category with some of my favourite superhero films coming from their animation studio. I was all hype for The Killing Joke as it was based on my favourite Batman graphic novel, it had the writers of Batman: The Animated Series directing and Conroy and Hamill returning as the Bat and the Joker. How did they mess this up? Somehow, while trying to avoid controversy, they created, even more, controversy with an awful misguided first half. The second half suffers so much from the first that it falls flat even though it follows the source material. This film left a really bad taste in my mouth.
Full review here.
7. Ride Along 2
In my honest opinion, I find Kevin Hart to be a funny comedian. His stand-up gigs are a blast and I love his energy. But fuck Kevin Hart the actor. His transition to film has been awful with the majority of his roles just having him screaming and being the butt of small people jokes. Ride Along 1 was a travesty, to begin with and Ride Along 2 does no better.
6. Yoga Hosers
People have been giving M. Night Shyamalan loads of well-deserved flack for the drop in quality of his films but I’ve found Kevin Smiths recent portfolio much more alarming. Smith is an awesome guy and a fantastic story-teller but I just don’t know why his recent output has been so pants. His latest Yoga Hosers was a tough watch at best. The film is absurd and mad but never fun or entertaining. Instead, this feels like a Uwe Boll film.
5. Independence Day: Resurgence
Most people have a soft spot for Independence Day, in fact, Independence Day is one of the few films I feel obliged to sit through once I spot it on the TV. Resurgence tries to jockey back of the nostalgia of the first film but unfortunately, nostalgia can’t cover the cracks here. The dialogue in this film is so cringe inducing I left the screening with wrinkles on my face. Every line in this film is a zinger or exposition. The first film had plenty of cheesy lines but they at least were delivered with charisma and charm, here it’s so rapid fire very little of it works. There’s also far too many characters here. We get most the old cast, a new younger cast and a dozen secondary characters all clashing for screen time and to get their lines in. I would happily trade half of this cast just for Will Smith to have returned.
Full review here.
4. Batman Vs Superman
It didn’t have to be this way, why Zach, WHY!! In all seriousness, the blame for this film is evenly distributed among the studio executives, script writers and especially the editors. This film is messy and it’s a fucking shame, if the film centered on its two lead characters and smoothed out the plot about superheroes and their responsibility there was massive potential for a great film. David S. Goyer shouldn’t be allowed near a script and Zach needs to lighten up a bit, can we have some fun with these movies, please.
Full review here.
3. Dirty Grandpa
Robert De Niro is one of the greatest actors ever, period, no debate. He’s so good most of us can forgive him for phoning it in the last 10 years. But what I can’t forgive is the time I wasted watching this ass hat of a movie. I didn’t laugh once but I cringed something awful, I still have wrinkles from it. When your plot is that a grandpa wants to go party with his grandson because he wants to get laid, you know you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel.
2. Gods of Egypt
It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen a film with zero redeemable qualities and it truly reminds one how poor a film can be no matter the budget or even dare I say it, the talent that is involved. Director Proyas showed in the 90’s he had a talent and unique vision with cult classics The Crow and Dark City. Unfortunately, Proyas’s talents faded as he was handed bigger projects with larger budgets. Perhaps the most positive thing I can say about Gods of Egypt is that we need films like this to set the benchmark for what defines a bad movie, sometimes we lose sight of what a truly terrible film looks like and judge sub-par films too harshly, Gods of Egypt can now give us a new perspective on what truly awful filmmaking looks like.
Full review here.
1. Zoolander 2.
I was embarrassed for everyone involved in this film. Ben Stiller is a great actor and director so I expected him to have some form of awareness when it came to making a sequel to his cult classic Zoolander. Nah fam, Stiller instead goes full retard and botches everything that made the original so great. This film is 50% failed attempts to rehash the original films jokes and 50% shitty celebrity cameos which are somehow supposed to produce the comedic effect. The lowest moment of 2016 for me was after I saw this film.
Full review here.
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